


Diving in the Dumpster

by allmylovesatonce



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Gen, one shots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-05-23
Packaged: 2018-09-25 00:26:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 10,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9794282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allmylovesatonce/pseuds/allmylovesatonce
Summary: A series of one shots or random stories!





	1. Boyle's Dream Come True

When it rains, it pours. Wasn’t that the phrase? Well that was the phrase that summed up Amy’s week. She came home ready to just forget the last few days. She walked in, hung up her purse and coat, and walked in the kitchen to pour herself a glass of wine. She turned and looked at the sink, still full of dishes from earlier in the week. When she’d lived there by herself, she’d always done the dishes promptly. Doing dishes for one person was easy. Somehow just adding Jake to the apartment added so many more chores. She stood there seething at the sight of the dishes. She’d asked him easily three times to do them because she was too busy, but of course, in true Jake Peralta fashion, he’d just left a mess instead.

She turned around to the sound of the door opening. Jake walked in, grocery bag in hand and a smile gracing his face as he saw her. “Hey Babe!” he cheered.  Amy just glared at him. He immediately stopped short. “Everything okay?”

“No, Jake,” she said quietly, “Everything is not okay.”

He set the bag down gently by the door, moving toward her slowly. “What’s wrong? Talk to me.”

He had no idea she was mad at him. He must have thought something else was wrong. Because of course, Jake could do no wrong in his eyes. “What’s wrong is that living with you is like living with a child,” she replied stonily.

“Uhh…what now?”

“Jake, how many times have I asked you to do the dishes? And yet, there they sit, dirty in the sink,” she yelled.

“Amy, I – ” he started.

“I mean you got home earlier than me. Your day today was easy and yet you couldn’t just come home and actually do anything around the house,” she argued.

“Amy, just listen,” Jake tried.

“No. Jake, I’m sick of this,” she continued. “Sometimes you are so immature and I just feel like this was a mistake.” She was getting out of control. She could feel it. But she was too far gone. She couldn’t contain her anger. It had built up for so long during the week that it was exploding out of her and Jake was directly in her path.

Jake looked hurt and confused. “What? Us living together?”

“No, us _being_ together,” Amy corrected him harshly. The pain on Jake’s face was palpable. He backed away from her and closer to the door.

“Wow. I didn’t realize you felt that way,” Jake said just above a whisper. He rifled through the grocery bag by the door and pulled out a bottle of wine. “I’m gonna let you cool off for a bit. Then…I guess we’ll have to talk.”

“Jake –” Amy called, but he shook his head and closed the door behind him.

\--

Jake walked out of the apartment building, clutching the bottle of wine like a lifeline. He didn’t know what to think about the fight they’d just had. They didn’t really fight much so when they did, it usually left him pretty upset. He tried to think of where he wanted to go. One definite perk of moving in with Amy was living two blocks from Boyle. He would know what to say. And even if he didn’t, he’d let Jake hang there.

He walked over there and knocked solemnly on the door. Charles opened the door, a huge grin on his face as he took in his best friend. The smile started to fade when Jake held up the bottle of wine. “You busy tonight?” he asked. Charles shook his head. “Mind if I come in?”

“When would I ever mind you wanting to come into my home, Jake?” Charles asked as if he was an idiot. “Genevieve is out. I’m just watching some TV with Nikolaj. You’re more than welcome to join us.”

Jake nodded sadly and walked into his friend’s home, taking in the happy atmosphere. What it must be like for them. He thought he and Amy would have that but apparently she was having doubts. He wasn’t going to worry about that right now. He was going to drink and talk with Charles.

Charles brought out two glasses and a wine opener and sat them on the table in front of Jake. Jake immediately opened the wine and started pouring. Charles sat down way too close to him. “Want to talk about it?” he asked.

“Nah, I want to drink about it,” Jake said.

Charles picked up his glass and clinked it against Jake’s. “We can do that too.”

Nikolaj was watching some inane children’s show and it was not taking his mind off his fight with Amy.

“I don’t get it,” he said. Charles turned to look at him but he continued to stare at the TV ahead of him and drink his wine every so often. “I don’t get why she was so mad. Sure, she’d probably had a long day, but she didn’t need to take it out on me. Sure, I can be a bit of a slob, but I’ve been working so hard on that since I moved in with Amy. She means so much to me and I don’t want her to regret living with me. Apparently I’m not working hard enough on that last part. I just wish she’d let me explain that I’d gone to the store to get dish soap. I was just about to do the dishes. And yes, it had been a couple of days since the first time she’d asked. But I am busy too. She knows that. I walked in the door and she blew up at me and gave me no chance to explain myself.” Finally he turned toward Charles who had a concerned expression on his face. “And then she starts saying it was a mistake for us to ever be together. I mean, she can’t really think that, right?” Charles was silent. “Right, Charles? That wasn’t rhetorical!” Jake followed up manically.

“No! Of course she doesn’t really think that. Amy loves you. I’m sure she was just having a hard day and it all snowballed,” Charles reassured him.  

Jake shook his head sadly and took a large drink of wine, quickly filling his glass back up. He sat back and laid his head on the back of the couch with a sigh. “I don’t know what I’d do without her, Man. I really thought that maybe, just maybe, I wouldn’t screw this one up.”

Charles put his hand on Jake’s shoulder. “I’m sure you didn’t screw it up, Jakey. You just need to give her time to cool off and then go make up.” Jake turned his head to look at his friend. He nodded. “And if you want, when you go home, I can send you home with a bottle of shampoo because shampooing your partner’s hair is the most erotic thing you can do. There’s no way she’d be mad at you after that.”

Jake looked at him disgustedly. “One, why do you always suggest that? Two, why do you talk about things being erotic in front of your son?” Jake pointed to Nikolaj sitting on the floor in front of the TV. Luckily he was still glued to the TV. Charles shrugged it off. 

Jake sighed and drank more wine. He didn’t want to think about his problems. Soon Charles got up to tuck Nikolaj into bed. It didn’t feel like it had been a very long time since he’d gotten there but when he went to refill his glass the bottle was empty. He groaned to himself.

Charles was still out of the room when he heard a gentle knock at the door. Jake got up and looked through the peephole. It was Amy. He took a deep breath and opened the door. She smiled sadly at the sight of him. He walked out into the hall and kept the door ajar behind him.

“Hi,” she said hesitantly. He just nodded. She was standing cautiously far away from him. “I’m really sorry, Jake.” He wasn’t making eye contact with her. “Look, I didn’t mean what I said. I promise. I was in a bad mood and it just got out of hand.” He was still silent. He just shrugged. She stepped forward and grabbed both of his hands in hers. He looked up at her. “I mean it, Jake. It wasn’t you. One of my cases went horribly wrong and I was mad about that and then the other got picked up by Major Crimes. I was just having a bad string of days and I don’t know why but the dishes were the last straw. And I know you’re just as busy as I am and it shouldn’t have been a big deal. I really am so sorry for lashing out at you. You’re the last person I’d want to hurt.”

“Including Holt?” Jake asked, finally quirking a smile.

She smiled back at him, moving closer and wrapping her arms around his waist. “Yep, including Holt.” He laid his hands on her arms. “Jake, I want you to know that I have never for a second regretted being with you or living with you. I mean, yeah, my apartment is a little bit messier than it used to be. But getting to live with you makes up for it.”

“You mean it?” Jake asked hesitantly.

“One hundred percent,” Amy assured him. She tightened her arms around him and laid her head against his shoulder. “I love you so much, Jake.”

He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her back. “I love you too.”

She pulled back slightly and looked him in the eye. “Please come home.”

Jake smiled and nodded. “Okay.” She smiled brightly, leaning up to kiss him quickly. “By the way, we were out of dish soap. That’s what was in the bag I brought home. That and a bottle of wine because I knew you’d had a hard day,” he informed her.

She looked surprised. “You bought me a bottle of wine because I had a hard day?”

“I mean, I just drank most of it while I was here, but yes, I did buy it,” Jake replied with a laugh. She nodded understandingly, chuckling.

She looked him in the eye vulnerably, “So we’re okay?”

Jake leaned in and kissed her again. “It’s you and me, Ames. Of course we are.” She hugged him tightly again, holding on for a while.

“Psst,” they heard from the other side of the door. They both pulled apart slightly and looked at the crack in the door. “Use this,” they heard Charles say. Slowly, a bottle of lavender shampoo was pushed through the opening of the door.

“Oh my God, Charles,” Jake groaned. He rolled his eyes at Amy. He grabbed her hand. “Let’s go home.” She stood there and smiled at him brightly. “What?” he asked, confused.

She squeezed his hand. “You called it home. I love that. _Our_ home.”

Jake squeezed her hand back and started walking away from Charles’s apartment with her. He had to agree with Amy. He loved having _their_ home.


	2. More Than Her Job

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set after Coral Palms Pt. 3.   
> Amy goes home to see Jake after CJ puts them on the night shift.

“Noooo!” Terry yelled.

“Yes,” CJ said blankly.

Amy sighed heavily, turning back toward her desk. She saw the others slowly breaking up and walking back towards their desks. Amy grabbed her purse and slung it over her shoulder, storming toward the elevator.

“Where are you going?” Terry asked, stepping toward her and blocking her path.

Amy glared at Terry. “I’m going home.”

“What do you mean you’re going home?” Rosa asked, striding over toward Amy. “We should all stay and fight this.”

“Exactly,” Terry agreed. “With all our brain power, I’m sure we’ll outsmart him.”

“I could come up with some riddles to confuse him,” Charles chimed in.

Amy rolled her eyes at all of her coworkers. “Look guys, he seems pretty set on this. I don’t see him getting us off the night shift. So I’m going home.”

“You’re quitting?” Charles gasped.

“No,” Amy scoffed. “I’ll come back tonight and work. But right now I have an injured boyfriend that I spent six months without. I’m going to go home and revel in the fact that I can see him again.” Rosa, Terry and Charles all nodded silently.

“Go home,” Terry said solemnly. Rosa and Charles nodded slowly in agreement.

Amy smiled sadly at them. “Thanks, guys.”

She started to walk past them before taking a step back. “Let me know if you do outsmart him and I don’t have to come in tonight.” They laughed and agreed.

Amy drove home and walked into her apartment just as she’d left it. Including her sleeping boyfriend in her bed. She smiled largely at the sight of Jake snoring, sheets tangled around him. She quickly changed out of her clothes and back into her pajamas, before she carefully climbed back in bed with him. As the bed sunk under her weight, Jake rolled closer to her. Amy curled in next to Jake, cautious of his leg.

Jake wrapped his arm around Amy and sighed. She looked at his face and saw his eyes fluttering open. He leaned over and kissed her head. He looked at her for a long time. “God it is amazing waking up next to you again,” he said, almost in awe.

Amy wrapped her arm around his torso, cuddling him closer. “I have to agree. It’s kind of the best.”

They laid there for a while longer, just quietly absorbing the other’s presence. Suddenly Jake sat up and looked back at Amy. She looked concerned, sitting up to match him. “What’s wrong? Does your leg hurt?” She asked, reaching for his wound.

He pushed her hand away, “My leg is fine.” At the look on her face, he squeezed her hand, reassuring her. “I promise it’s fine. I’m on some good painkillers.”

Amy smirked, squeezing his hand. “I’m sorry for shooting you.”

Jake laughed. “I’m glad you did.”

Amy laughed hard. “Anytime, Babe.”

Jake kept laughing, staring adoringly at Amy. “So why are you not at work?”

Amy stopped laughing and looked at Jake seriously. “The squad got transferred to the night shift.”

Jake gaped at her. “What?! The whole squad? Why?”

Amy furrowed her brow. “Umm, kinda for going to Florida…”

Jake looked crestfallen. “You guys got put on the night shift because you came to save me and Holt?” Amy nodded. “I’m so sorry. You guys didn’t have to come.”

Amy stared at him blankly. “Seriously? You think we wouldn’t come help you guys?”

Jake sighed. “Yeah but you got in trouble for it. You put your job on the line.”

“Jake, I was obviously going to come help you. I don’t care if I put my job on the line. I love you more…than I…love my job…” Amy finished slowly, staring at the wall as a realization dawned on her. She turned to Jake suddenly. “Oh my God.” Jake stared at her. “Jake,” Amy said in awe, reaching out to hold both of his hands. “I love you more than I love my job.” Jake smiled broadly. “And I know that seems like a crazy thing to seem so in awe of, but –”

“No it really isn’t crazy,” Jake assured her. “I know you, Ames. Maybe if I was some other guy, I’d be offended that this was such a big surprise for you. But I know how big this is.” Amy smiled sweetly. He leaned in and kissed her. “And for the record, Amy?” She nodded, encouraging him to go on. “I love you more than my job too.”

Amy leaned in and kissed him the way he’d kissed her. “And I know you, so I know how big that is,” she echoed him with a smirk.

Jake put his arm around Amy, pulling her closer. She matched his position and wrapped her arms around him, laying her head against his shoulder.

“God, I missed you,” she said with a sigh.

Jake matched her sigh. “I really missed you too. I missed you so much.”

“Let’s make a pact,” Amy said suddenly, looking up at Jake.

“Okay…” he prodded.

“We never spend that much time apart ever again. If any of us ever have to go into stupid Witness Protection or something like that. Or if either of us ever have to move across the country again, we both go. I’m never letting you go again, Jake.”

Jake looked at her earnestly, leaning in and kissing her deeply. He pulled back, looking in her eyes. He nodded. “Deal.”

She moved onto her knees, wrapping her arms around his neck, a huge smile on her face. “Deal!”


	3. DOG Party '16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompted by beccalee720: Would love to see another detectives only getaway like at the beach house but this time Jake and Amy are established couple. Maybe 4 drink Amy shows her face??  
> Previously posted on Tumblr.

“Alright, and again, thank you Charles for lending us your beach house for the second year in a row. Now on to the next point of business,” Jake said, addressing his fellow detectives. “Rather than make an error like I did last year, I wanted to ask for all of your approval this year. What is the decision on inviting Captain Holt back to the Detectives Only Getaway? The decision must be unanimous.”

There was a thoughtful silence among the group. Jake watched as they all thought it over.

“I say yes,” Gina chimed in. Jake nodded, noting her agreement.

“I don’t know,” Rosa disagreed. “It was pretty awkward last year.”

“Yeah, but only for the first day,” Jake reminded her. “We got it together quickly and then the rest of the time was fun, yeah? Plus, you’re not dating his nephew anymore so there’s no awkwardness there. Right?”

Rosa shrugged. “Okay, he can be in.” Terry and Charles nodded in agreement.

Jake looked over at Amy. “Ames, what’s your take?” Amy looked contemplative.

“Yeah,” Gina interjected. “Why haven’t you said anything? You’re obsessed with Holt.”

“Sure, but I still feel weird partying in front of him,” Amy argued.

“Scully and I are good with the Captain coming,” Hitchcock stated from the corner.

Amy groaned. “Okay, fine! I’m not going to be the only one who says no. Someone just watch me and make sure I don’t get too weird.”

Jake laughed. “I’ll be your man,” he said with a wink in her direction.

Rosa stood up. “And that brings us to our next point. Jake, sit down.” Rosa assumed the spot Jake had just been standing with Gina joining her. “We have some new rules we want to implement this year,” she explained. Gina nodded next to her. “Since last year, there has been a bit of a change in the group dynamic. And while we’re all…happy for those involved in that, we feel we must address it before we go on this vacation.”

Jake looked around, completely confused.

“That brings us to our first rule,” Gina stated, gesturing to Rosa.

“Jake and Amy, no having sex,” Rosa announced bluntly.

“Wait, what?” Amy asked, clearly as confused as Jake.

“Hold up! These rules are about _us_?” Jake questioned.

“Yes. You two have started dating and we want to make sure that our annual vacation isn’t made super awkward by you two,” Rosa explained.

“Basically, we don’t want you two getting gross and all over each other and ruining it for the rest of us,” Gina furthered.

“Okay, that’s just rude,” Amy responded.

“Yeah! It’s like you guys think we can’t control ourselves or something,” Jake argued.

“What, were you planning on having sex?” Gina asked accusingly.

“No!” They both exclaimed in unison.

“But having rules about it hurts, guys. Like you don’t trust us,” Jake continued. “I mean last year Rosa spent the whole time sexting her boyfriend.”

“Yeah, _sexting_ , meaning you didn’t have to hear anything,” Rosa defended.

“Look, we’re happy for you guys, but we don’t want to hear any of that,” Terry said.

Jake looked at Terry accusingly. “You’re in on these rules? I thought Terry loved love.”

“Terry does love love, but Terry also loves not making things awkward by having you guys get all hot and heavy in front of all of us,” Terry explained.

“That brings us to rule two: no PDA. No kissing. No holding hands. Nothing. Basically, if I wouldn’t do it to Charles, you can’t do it,” Gina informed them.  

Amy chuckled. “You realize Jake and I once walked in on you and Charles having sex,” she reminded Gina.

Gina glared at Amy. “And how horrifying was that, Amy? You think I want to walk in on you and Jake doing that?”

Amy nodded understandingly. “Fine. But the PDA rule seems a bit much. Why did you guys even think you needed that? It’s not like we’re overly touchy or anything. We’ve never kissed in front of any of you.” Amy argued. Jake nodded in agreement beside her.

“Not true,” Gina replied. “You once kissed Jake in front of me.”

“What? When?” Amy questioned.

“It was Christmas Eve at Goodwin’s,” Gina explained.

Amy rolled her eyes. “Oh my God. I’m so sorry that I was relieved my boyfriend wasn’t dead and that I kissed him. It wasn’t like I was purposefully doing it in front of you.”

“Nonetheless, I was traumatized and the rule stands,” Gina mandated.

“Any more rules?” Jake asked, annoyed.

Gina and Rosa looked at each other. “No, I think that’s it. We’ll play it by ear though in case you guys do something we feel needs to warrant a new rule,” Rosa stated.

Jake sighed. “Great,” he said sarcastically. “I’ll inform Holt that he’s invited.” With that, the group dismissed. Amy sat there after the whole group left. Jake turned around from the door and spotted her still sitting there.

“I can’t believe they don’t trust us,” Amy said with a sigh.

Jake walked over and sat down next to her. “Yeah, it does kinda suck. I mean it’s not like I figured we’d really do anything, but I can’t believe they’d make rules for us.”

Amy nodded in agreement. Suddenly she had a look like something dawned on her. “Damn it, now that means I can’t drink,” Amy whined.

“What? Why?” Jake asked.

Amy looked at him blankly. “Jake, you’ve met Four Drink Amy. They’re right. I’m a total perv.”

Jake snickered, looking away dreamily. “Yeah, maybe a bit.” Amy reached out and smacked his arm. “Ow! Hey, you said it first!” He looked over at Amy and reached out to grab her hand. “No worries, we’ll still have fun. I promise.”

They hadn’t been at the beach house an hour before someone offered Amy a drink. “No thanks,” Amy replied, holding up her water bottle. “I’m good.”

“Is that a bottle of vodka, Santiago?” Rosa asked.

“No, I’m just watching what I drink,” Amy offered with a nervous laugh.

Rosa rolled her eyes and walked away. That was pretty much how it happened each time someone offered Amy a drink. She’d drink a soda or water instead, never having alcohol for fear of getting handsy. It was just before dinner when Jake sat down next to Amy on the stairs to the basement, handing her a glass of wine. She glared at him.

“Oh come on, I can tell you want to drink. One drink isn’t going to do anything. You’ll just get a little spacey,” Jake reminded her.

Amy shook her head and accepted the glass. “Have I mentioned how much I love all of my coworkers cataloging my personality when I drink?” Amy replied.

Jake laughed and clinked his glass with hers. “Sorry, Babe. It’s kinda hard not to notice.”

Amy continued joining the festivities along with everyone else, but she only had the one glass of wine as far as Jake could tell. He felt bad that she thought she couldn’t drink. He wanted her to have a good time, even if he couldn’t touch her in any way.

After dinner, they were all downstairs dancing to whatever playlist Gina had put together. Even Holt was dancing around with them. He must have really stooped to their level this year. Jake shook his head with a laugh as he watched Holt dancing to Lady Marmalade. He looked around to see Amy’s reaction when he realized Amy wasn’t down there with them. He walked upstairs and found her on the couch by herself. She was listening to her phone and moving her arms and legs around to a beat he couldn’t hear.

He gasped and pointed at her. “You’ve been drinking!” he cheered.

She looked up, startled, pulling her earbuds from her ears. “What?”

“You’re three drinks in! You’ve been drinking, Dancepants,” Jake accused.

Amy stood up, still moving in a dance-like fashion toward Jake. “Maybe I have. I snuck one at dinner and then was incredibly cautious of everything I said so I wouldn’t be too loud. I almost couldn’t enjoy it.”

Jake looked at her with a sad smile and pulled her in for a hug. She pulled back with a questioning glance. “Everyone’s downstairs. Screw the rules for a second,” Jake argued. She smiled and allowed herself to be pulled in to the hug. “I’m sorry that you don’t seem to be having a good time.”

Amy pulled her head back and looked at him. “I’m having a good time. I just don’t like having all these rules on what I can and can’t do.”

“Right?” Jake agreed. “It’s so annoying. Like, I didn’t ever think we’d have sex here, but now that we _can’t_ …it’s like forbidden fruit or something.”

“Yes! You just want it so much more!” Amy concurred.

“Exactly!” Jake replied. They laughed together, Amy leaning back into the hug.

They heard movement behind them and they jumped apart. Captain Holt strode into the room. “We need more scotch downstairs,” he explained. He paused and looked at their nervous faces. “You know,” he said as he moved around the bar to find another bottle of scotch. “I heard the new rules they placed on you. I think they’re rather unfair. You two have been very good about maintaining your professionalism. Granted, you exhibit slightly different levels between the two of you.” Jake nodded guiltily. Holt looked back at them knowingly. He pointed toward the stairs leading back to the basement. “You know, they’re all pretty far gone downstairs. I doubt anyone’s noticed that you’re not there.” Jake and Amy looked at each other, trying to figure out what Holt meant. “It is a rather gorgeous night out. What with the moon and the unseasonably nice weather.” He gave them a knowing look. “I’m now returning downstairs.”

Jake waited for Holt to leave before he went behind the bar and opened a bottle of wine. He grabbed Amy’s hand and headed for the door.

“Where are we going?” she asked.

“You heard Holt. It’s a beautiful night out,” Jake reminded her.

“What about the rules?” Amy asked nervously. “I don’t want to make anyone mad.”

Jake shrugged. “Holt said they’re all wasted. No one will even notice we’re out having a romantic evening on the beach.” He handed Amy the bottle of wine.

She put the bottle to her lips and took a swig of it. Jake looked at her, impressed. “Let’s do this!” she cheered. Jake led them out to the beach. They were at a good spot when Jake threw out the blanket Amy had grabbed.

Amy walked up behind Jake and grabbed his butt. Jake turned around quickly. “Wow, is Four Drink Amy coming out already?”

Amy laughed. “I’d say she’s on her way,” she said with a grin, reaching around for his butt again.

Jake shook his head and laughed. “I love you.”

Amy tilted her head, her eyes catching the moonlight from above. “I love you, too.”

They settled down on the blanket, curling together for the first time all day. They sat and watched the waves roll in, talking and occasionally kissing as they watched. They stayed there, absorbing each other’s presence, until they fell asleep in each other’s arms on the beach.


	4. It Really Grates My Cheese

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested on Tumblr: hi! idk if you do fic requests, but if you do, could you write a short one-shot based on the most recent episode, where jake is comforting amy about losing her favorite pen/best friend?

Jake couldn’t wait to get home and tell Amy about the awesome opportunity he had to work with Lieutenant Hawkins. He needed to unlock the door quickly, though that was mainly from the fact that he had to go to the bathroom urgently. He fought with the lock as his hand shook and finally he got it open. Jake was running for the bathroom when he saw Amy sitting on the couch with a concerning look on her face.

Stopping in his tracks, he turned to see what was wrong. “Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked.

Amy looked up at him like she hadn’t even noticed he’d entered the apartment. “Oh, nothing,” she sighed.

Jake started dancing in place as he tried not to pee. “Amy, come on. What’s wrong?” Amy started to speak but Jake’s bladder couldn’t take it anymore. “Hold on! I have to go pee! You can come talk to me at the door,” he yelled as he ran for the bathroom. “Let’s be real, this is your fault! I’d be able to comfort you in a timely fashion if you didn’t make me drink so much water.” After he relieved himself and washed his hands, he walked back in the living room to see Amy still upset. He sat down next to her on the couch. “Okay, I’m good now. Tell me what’s up.”

Amy shook her head. “It’s stupid.”

Jake stared at her with a knowing look on his face. “Amy, the beauty of our relationship is that you can tell me things and I won’t think they’re stupid.”

“You thought it was stupid when I got mad about the vacuum,” Amy reminded him.

“No, I thought it was stupid that you got mad _at_ the vacuum,” Jake corrected her. “Though, I have to admit, it _was_ entertaining for sure.” Amy rolled her eyes. “Come on, just tell me what’s wrong. I promise I won’t think it’s stupid.”

Amy sighed. “Fine.” She paused. “Captain Holt lost my pen.”

Jake schooled his expression to not reveal how mildly ridiculous he thought it was. “Oh,” he said simply. He thought on it for a second. “Wait, which pen?”

“My favorite pen,” Amy replied regretfully.

“You mean your best friend?” Jake exclaimed.

Amy quirked a small smile at Jake’s outrage. “Yeah.”

“Oh my God, no wonder you’re mad,” Jake comforted. “That’s like your best pen. Remember that time I borrowed it to sign a report? You watched me like a hawk the entire time I was holding it. How could Holt just lose it?”

“He accidentally threw it off a roof, I guess,” Amy explained.

“I accidentally lose stuff all the time and even I don’t understand that,” Jake replied with a shake of his head.

“It’s okay. It’s just a pen,” Amy said with a sad cadence to her voice.

Jake reached out and grabbed her hand. “Ames, it’s okay to be pissed at Holt. It won’t kill you. You should tell him how mad you are.”

Amy stared at Jake in confusion. “Do you even know who I am?”

Jake laughed, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. He was relieved when she leaned into him. “Ames, at least go through your pen catalogue and pick out a new one for him to buy you.”

Amy sat forward, looking back at Jake. “You think I can just replace her?” Jake stared at Amy with amusement written on his face. “That was a ridiculous thing to say, wasn’t it?” Amy asked, embarrassed.

Jake chuckled. “Maybe, but I’m sure I’ve said weirder.” Amy laughed with Jake and leaned back into his embrace.

After a long silence, Amy spoke again. “It just wrote so well,” she exclaimed wistfully. “I should have had a spare.”

“Or maybe you just shouldn’t lend your favorite things to people,” Jake mused.

Amy sighed. “Good point.” After a bit, she looked over at Jake, a large smile on her face. “So you’re drinking water?”

Jake shook his head in amusement. His girlfriend was so weird. “Yes, and it’s awful. I’m doing it purely for you.”

Amy snuggled in closer to him. “Well I’m okay with that. I ordered you to drink it purely for you, so I guess that makes us even.”

“Interesting timing, by the way, but one of your pen catalogues actually came in the mail today,” Jake added after a pause.

Amy scoffed, affronted by his suggestion. “Jake, she’s not even cold yet!”

Jake nodded, “Okay, I’ll let it go.”

“Just be mad with me,” Amy asked of him.

Jake nodded, squeezing her shoulder. “Of course, Babe. I’ll be the maddest anyone’s ever been. It really grates my cheese.”

Amy smirked. “Now, that’s what I’m talking about.”


	5. Let's Be Miserable Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written for the Short Fic Challenge on Tumblr. Miserable people at a wedding AU prompted by startofamoment!

Amy groaned as she sat down at her table. Why had she even come to this wedding? She should have just said no. And of course she was placed at the singles’ table. Why do people even invite their exes to their weddings? Obviously (if they’re Amy) they’re going to feel like they need to prove a point and have to show up. And in Amy’s case, they have to show up and bring a nice gift because she’s apparently a glutton for punishment.

A man sat down next to her with a sigh similar to hers. She looked over at him. “Singles’ table, huh?”

He looked as miserable as she did. He held up his wine glass in a small toast. “So who do you know?”

Amy grimaced. “I used to date the groom.”

The man winced. “Ouch.”

“You?” She asked.

“The maid of honor is the bride’s sister. And I dated her. For whatever reason, Sarah still thought I should be at her wedding where I had to be around her sister,” he explained with a groan.

“Also sounds bad,” Amy concurred.

“I guess it’s not as bad as attending my ex-boyfriend’s wedding,” he admitted.

Amy put her hand over her heart in mock awe. “Oh my gosh, are you saying I win most miserable person at the wedding?” She giggled. “I’m oddly touched.”

He laughed. “At least for now. Sarah pulled me aside and told me Sophia’s boyfriend is coming for the reception.”

“Yikes,” Amy replied.

“Yeah,” he agreed. “I had this great plan to bring the most attractive woman I know to see if it made her jealous.”

“And?”

“And they yanked my plus one to make room for Sophia’s boyfriend,” he explained.

“No!” Amy practically yelled.

He laughed. “Yep. Your ex-boyfriend decided to let that one slip.”

“I’m sorry,” Amy said since she couldn’t think of anything else to say. “If it helps, Teddy sucks.”

He smiled. “It almost helps.” He looked over at her, still smiling and reaching out his hand. “I’m Jake, by the way.”

Amy met him for the shake. “Amy.”

“Nice to meet you, Amy,” Jake replied. She nodded in agreement. “Would you like to join me in getting plastered and likely making a scene?”

“Aww,” Amy answered, her hand touching her heart, “I would _love_ to.”

They clinked their glasses and silently challenged each other to see who could finish their wine faster. For the first time probably in her life, Amy let loose, not caring if she made a scene or embarrassed anyone. That would show Teddy for inviting his “lame” ex-girlfriend to his wedding.

Amy and Jake talked all through dinner and the toasts. Neither of them wanted to hear it. They’d both noted that they could just leave but they didn’t want to look pathetic. When the music started playing, Jake pulled a giggling Amy out onto the dance floor. He pulled her close and kept talking as they danced. She didn’t know if it was the many glasses of wine she’d consumed or how close he was that was dizzying. Wrapped in his embrace, swaying side to side, Amy forgot about the awkwardness of being at her ex-boyfriend’s wedding. Amy was staring up at Jake and he was staring back. There was a heavy silence between them. Just as they were beginning to lean in, a fast song started playing. They pulled back, shrugging off the intensity of the moment before.

Jake drunkenly encouraged Amy to go up for the bouquet toss. Seven Drink Amy was a bit of an athlete and she snatched that bouquet right out of the air. She laughed hysterically, pointing at Jake with the bouquet as he cheered. She strolled back to him, wrapping an arm around his neck and kissing him straight on the mouth. She was making a show of things if nothing else. She didn’t anticipate that he’d move his hands along her waist as he returned the kiss. She didn’t anticipate that they would continue kissing in front of anyone who cared to watch. She didn’t even anticipate friends of the groom asking them to leave.

They laughed hysterically, as drunk people do, as they walked outside the venue. Jake turned to her with a daze in his eyes. “This was actually really fun,” he admitted.

Amy smirked smugly at him. “I agree.”

He stepped closer to her, laying a hand on her waist again. “Do you think sometime when we’re sober, you’d like to do it again?”

Amy wrapped her arm around his neck as she had before. “I think I’d like that a lot.”

Jake leaned in close to Amy. “I’d never have thought something good would have come out of this wedding.”

Amy nodded and smiled at him before she kissed him.


	6. First Day Jitters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written for the Short Fic Challenge on Tumblr. Single parents taking their kids to class prompted by littlegreenwomen.

Jake was fretting over the first day of school. He prided himself on being a good dad. He was a much better dad to John than Jake’s dad was to him. Still though, the panic of the first day of kindergarten was getting to him. John had asked him the night before why he had to go to school. It had taken everything in Jake not to put it off for another year. Instead, he talked up school and how fun it was and how many friends he’d make.

As Jake walked his son into school, he was pretty sure that he was more nervous than the child. He looked for the kindergarten classroom and directed his son there. They were nearing the door when Jake bumped into another parent. A mother taking her son into the same classroom. “Sorry,” he apologized profusely, still holding John’s hand. She waved him off silently. Jake was pretty sure he noted tears in her eyes. He gestured for her and her son to enter the room before him and John. She nodded gratefully.

Jake walked in and squatted down in front of his son. “Okay, John, this is your classroom. You met your teacher, Miss Miller last week. She is really nice. And there are plenty of kids here to be friends with. Just have a good time and try to learn all you can, okay?” John nodded stiffly. He stumbled forward, throwing his arms around Jake’s neck. Jake could feel tears in his eyes. He wrapped his arms tightly around his son. “You’re gonna have so much fun, Bud.”

“I’m gonna miss you today, Daddy,” John said through his sniffles.

Jake squeezed him before ending the hug and looking at his son. “I’ll miss you too. But in just a matter of hours, I’ll pick you up and we can go to the park and you can tell me all about your day. How does that sound?”

“That sounds fun!” John yelled.

“You just have to make it through the day,” Jake explained. Standing up, he motioned his son toward the rest of the kids. “Now go have fun!” John hugged his leg before running toward the other kids. Jake willed the tears in his eyes not to fall.

“I didn’t really think it would be this hard,” Jake heard someone say. He looked over and it was the mom he’d bumped into.

“Yeah,” he agreed. “I’m a single dad. This is hitting me like a truck.”

She chuckled dryly. “I know what you mean. I’m a single mom. I cried all night last night. My eyes would barely open this morning when Sam was jumping on my bed because he was so excited for school.”

“Ahh the single parenthood,” Jake mused. “Glad I’m not alone.”

She smiled at him. “I’m Amy Santiago.”

“Jake Peralta,” he replied.

“I didn’t notice earlier, which one is yours?” she asked.

“Blue Nets t-shirt with the Die Hard back pack,” he pointed out. She looked at him skeptically. “It was my back pack as a kid. He hasn’t seen it,” he assured her. “Well, not yet. He’ll see it someday because it’s the best movie ever.” Amy laughed. “Which one is yours?”

Amy pointed to the boy right next to John. “Sam’s the one in the red checked shirt and slacks giving yours a friendship sticker.” Jake looked over at her with an amused expression. “I may have given him some pointers on making friends. It mainly involved stickers.”

The teacher asked the parents to leave so they could start class. Jake bid goodbye to John as Amy did the same with Sam. Jake couldn’t help but smile as he noticed the two boys sitting down next to each other. Jake couldn’t wait to hear all about his son’s day.

As they walked out of the school, Jake dug out his keys, unsure of where he was going to go. “I took today off because I figured I’d be too much of a mess at work. Now I have no clue what I should do. I tend to think the secretary won’t want me hanging out in the office.”

Amy laughed and nodded. “I did the same thing. I took a sick day.”

“Listen, single parent to single parent,” Jake began nervously, “how would you feel about getting coffee and talking about how much we miss our kids?”

Amy smiled brightly. “I think that sounds great. Maybe some Irish coffee?”

“Ooh, I like that idea,” Jake agreed with a grin. “How early do you think bars open?”

“I’m game,” Amy replied with a laugh. “This could be fun.”

Jake nodded excitedly before he gestured toward the parking lot. “After you, m’lady!”


	7. Amy the Critical Ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written for the Short Fic Challenge. Ghost/Living person AU. Prompted by an anon.

Jake finished buttoning his shirt, ready to tackle the day. He looked at himself in the mirror, feeling pretty good about himself.

“Seriously? You’re gonna wear that shirt again? You wore it two days ago. You didn’t even wash it!”

Jake rolled his eyes. “Amy, you’re a ghost! What do you care what I wear?”

Amy appeared in front of him. “I _care_ because it’s disgusting.”

“Oh, you think _I’m_ disgusting? You’re a dead person hanging around, tormenting other people,” Jake argued. “That’s disgusting.”

Amy sneered at him. “Yeah well I only stick around so you aren’t a _total_ disaster. You’d be a mess without me.”

Jake shook his head. “No, I’d be sane without you.” Amy scoffed and floated out of the room.

When Jake had moved into his new apartment, they’d failed to mention the ghost haunting the place. It wasn’t like Amy was a scary ghost. She wasn’t Casper by any means, though. Casper was friendly while Amy was critical. She’d criticize just about every aspect of his life. He left a bottle on a table without a coaster and she knocked it off the table. He didn’t shower for a few days because he wasn’t going anywhere and she consistently made jokes that he smelled. He brought home a girl once and she slammed doors and windows until the girl was too freaked out to stay.

Despite it all, Jake had somehow grown fond of Amy. Or maybe he’d just gotten used to her. She did help him keep his life on track sometimes. She was an annoying calendar that would squawk about appointments and being punctual. She gave him advice on what to cook for dinner, how to pay his taxes, doing laundry properly. She once helped him balance his checkbook. She wasn’t a complete annoyance. When they weren’t bickering, they realized they had similar senses of humor.

Not long after Jake moved in, he tried to find out how she died, but he could never find a record of it. On nights when he was lonely, he wondered if maybe Amy wasn’t dead, just in a deep sleep or something. He’d seen a movie like that. But Amy always came back and kept him company rather than keeping her body company.

Jake was getting ready to leave when Amy swooped between him and the door. “You have a stain on your shirt. You should go change.”

Jake glared at her. “It’s fine. I’m just meeting some friends.”

“Jake, stop being a slob,” Amy chided. “It takes two seconds to change a shirt.”

“Oh so I’m a slob?” Jake challenged.

Amy laughed. “Umm, is that an actual question? You’re the grossest person I know. You once dropped your toothbrush in the toilet and then still used it.” She shivered disgustedly.

“Toilet water is clean!” Jake argued.

“Just admit that you’re disgusting and you’d be lost without me,” Amy demanded.

“Please, I’d like to see what my life would be like without you,” Jake denied. “It would be significantly better without some annoying killjoy always lurking around.”

“Oh, so I’m a killjoy?” Amy retorted.

“Yeah,” Jake answered, “You probably died from being boring.” Amy gaped at him, offense written on her translucent face. “Please, do me a favor and lay off me. Just stay out of my life. No one asked you to be here!”

Amy’s face fell. “Fine.” Immediately she disappeared from sight. Initially, Jake felt relief. Thirty seconds later, guilt overrode relief. He shook his head, reminding himself that she was just a ghost. He couldn’t hurt her feelings.

Jake went to spend time with his friends. He was barely engaged though, his mind instead on Amy. What if she did stay out of his life? What would he do without her? He may get annoyed with her sometimes, but ultimately she was a huge part of his life. She’d tease him and care for him. Once when he was sick and too weak, she’d somehow heated him up soup. In his heart of hearts, he wished Amy were still alive and he could spend time with her as an actual person. He sometimes imagined what it would be like. Would they get along better? Could he see himself having feelings for her? It would be weird to have feelings for the ghost living in your apartment, but Jake found himself wondering if he did. He relied on Amy more than he cared to. Certainly more than he meant to.

He left his friends at the bar and headed home, too worried about Amy to focus on their hangout. He jostled with the keys and unlocked his door. “Amy!” he called. Nothing. She didn’t bang doors like she usually did after he was a jerk. He walked through every room of his apartment but he couldn’t find her. Maybe she’d actually moved on this time. He threw himself down on the couch, wondering how he’d get by without her. “Amy, if you can hear me,” Jake spoke into the universe, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. You aren’t a killjoy. You’re awesome. I really rely on you. More than I want to. I don’t know what I’d do if you actually stayed out of my life. I just wish I got to know you as a real person. I feel like we’d have gotten along.” Jake sighed and threw his head back against the couch. He closed his eyes, wishing he hadn’t been such a jackass.

“I guess you aren’t totally a slob.” Jake sat straight up on the couch. He looked around like crazy for her. Suddenly she appeared, a frown upon her face. “Though you really shouldn’t have gone out with a stained shirt.”

Jake smirked. “You came back.”

Amy smiled sadly. “Couldn’t leave you to your own devices. You’d probably die.”

Jake laughed. “Then maybe we could haunt this place together,” he mused. He reached for the remote to turn on the TV. “I recorded Jeopardy.” He could hear her quietly cheering to herself as he queued up the episode. Jake knew there would be more fights. He knew he couldn’t rely on Amy forever. But for right now, he was content again. And that’s what mattered.


	8. You Jump, I Jump, Jake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written for the Short Fic Challenge on Tumblr. Partners in Crime AU prompted by an anon.

“I’m gonna steal it,” Jake said completely seriously. “I’m gonna steal the Declaration of Independence.”

Amy glared at him. “Could you please take this seriously?”

Jake grinned. “Sorry, I’ve just always wanted to say that.” He shook his head in awe. “I mean what a great movie.”

Amy shrugged. “Eh, I’d like it better without Nicolas Cage.” She snapped her fingers. “Now back to the plan.” She rolled out the blue prints for the building. “We have twenty-five minutes to do this, Jake. It’s gonna be tight.”

Jake looked at Amy with a confident expression. “Amy, we can do this. That jerk stole that huge ass ruby that your family discovered and rightfully belonged to you. We’re just taking it back. And we’ve gone over this plan like twenty times. We can do this.”

Amy sighed. “I knew we shouldn’t have trusted someone who was cool with it when we called him The Vulture.”

“The good news is that he thinks we’re dead. He literally won’t expect us,” Jake reasoned. He looked down at Amy’s plan. “The other good news is that he is an idiot who has it on display at his stupid museum and it’s not even in a glass case.” Jake shook his head. “Cocky loser,” he said with a chuckle.

“Can you please not underestimate this, Jake?” Amy pleaded.

“The plan runs tomorrow, Ames,” Jake reminded her. “We’ve gone over this twenty times. We’ve got this.”

The plan was running smoothly. Jake was a janitor “cleaning” in a nearby exhibit. Really he was setting up a diversion. Amy was a new curator wanting to examine the ruby for its worth. The diversion went off perfectly except for the part where The Vulture spotted Jake sneaking away. Jake got about 20 seconds on pure disbelief but their covers were blown. Jake signaled Amy that the jig was up. The alarms were already blaring before Amy even grabbed the ruby. She stuffed it in her fake briefcase as she ran for the rendezvous point. Jake beat her to the car and had it running as she jumped in the passenger seat.

He took off as The Vulture started chasing after them. “That didn’t go well,” Amy said, stating the obvious.

“You don’t say?” Jake replied sarcastically as he drove maniacally through the streets. It wasn’t long before Jake could hear sirens in the background. He looked in the rearview mirror to see lights far away but moving quickly. “Do you have the back packs?” he asked.

Amy unbuckled and reached to the backseat. She pulled out two matching backpacks and strapped one on herself. Jake leaned closer to the wheel as Amy tried to help him into his. “You’re sure everything else is at the cabin?”

“Yeah, Rosa assured me it would be there,” Jake answered as he adjusted the straps over his shoulders. Checking the mirror, he noted the police gaining on him. He saw the cliff in his sights. Looking over at Amy, he said, “Say goodbye to Amy Santiago.”

“I can’t believe we have to do this again,” Amy whined. “Will he never let us just live?”

“Apparently not,” Jake replied, whipping around other cars. “Unlock the doors. Time for our new lives.” Jake sped up the hill, the tallest in view of the ocean. He saw the fence approaching and he set the cruise control. “Brace yourself!” Jake warned. They rammed through the fence, the car speeding out toward the air over the water.

“Now!” Amy yelled. They opened their doors and jumped from the flying car, falling fast toward the ocean. At the right time, they pulled their parachutes, falling gently into the water, sinking into their new lives as Johnny and Dora, lovers on the run.


	9. People, Let Me Tell You 'Bout My Best Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written for the Short Fic Challenge on Tumblr. Childhood Best Friends AU prompted by an anon.

It had been 15 years since Amy Santiago had laid eyes on Jake Peralta. That’s just how time worked sometimes. They were best friends as kids and all through school, but going to separate colleges put a real damper on things. In an instant, she felt like a child again as she gazed upon his almost familiar face. Parts of it had changed. His cheeks had hollowed out some with age, his jaw became more defined. His eyes conveyed a wisdom she’d never have expected.

And in the next instant, she was hugging him. “Jake Peralta!” She cried. “I can’t believe it!” He wrapped his arms around her as well. “How long has it been?”

“Fifteen years,” he reminded her, not ending their hug. Finally though, they both pulled back. “You look good, Santiago.”

She blushed with a smile. “Please. _You_ look good.”

Jake smirked. “Objectively, I’d say we can both look good. It doesn’t have to be a competition.”

Amy laughed out loud. “So do you still eat dirt?”

Jake glared for a second. “I know you know that is not the case. I stopped eating dirt when we went to middle school, Amy!”

“Eww! I thought you stopped in second grade!”

“What? Yeah. What did I say?” Jake asked guiltily.

Amy shook her head with part disgust and part humor. “So what brings you to the Nine-Nine?”

“I’m being transferred here,” Jake informed her. “I start here next week.”

“What? Stop playing,” Amy said, waving off his comments. “What are you really doing here?”

“I wasn’t kidding,” Jake maintained.

“We’re gonna work together?”

“You work here?” Jake asked. Amy nodded. “Oh my God! It’s gonna be just like when we’d play cops and robbers with your brothers!”

“Except we’ll get to be the cops this time,” Amy added with a laugh.

“This is crazy,” Jake mused. He was waved in to the CO’s office and so they parted yet again.

Amy could barely focus on her work. Her mind kept dwelling on Jake Peralta, the young boy she’d spent most of her formative years with. She remembered all the times they’d spent chasing each other around backyards and playgrounds. They’d come up with so many secret games and inside jokes that she’d eventually lost track of them all. Both their favorite was always the swings though. It was always a competition of who could get the highest without getting scared. Amy almost always won due to Jake’s fear of heights. That and Amy’s hard headed determination.

By the time Jake was leaving the Captain’s office, Amy was getting ready to leave. “Hey,” he greeted. “How would you feel about grabbing dinner? Maybe catching up more?” Amy didn’t even need to think about it.

They were walking down the street after dinner, still chatting. Secretly, Amy didn’t want the night to end. She was actually relieved when Jake stopped her in his glee, staring at something in the field next to them. Turning to look, Amy saw the swing set that Jake had spotted. “It’s fate,” he announced. “We have to.”

He led her to the swings, sitting on his own, waiting for her to sit as well. They started swinging at the same time. It was casual swinging at first as they familiarized themselves with the activity. Soon enough though, Jake was in competition mode. “I’m not as scared of heights as I used to be, Santiago!” he proclaimed.

Amy, of course, took that as a challenge, trying to swing as high as she could. Jake was swinging pretty high as well. She heard a soft shriek from Jake’s direction and looked to see him slowing down. “Yes!” she exclaimed. “Victory is mine, yet again!”

“Nope, there was a spider on my swing,” Jake defended. “That doesn’t count.”

“What are you more afraid of, spiders or heights?” Amy taunted. As they slowed down, she continued. “Or are you more afraid that you’ll never beat me for any kind of competition ever again?”

Jake rolled his eyes. “You’re getting pretty cocky, Ames. I bet when I join the precinct, I’ll beat you for most arrests in the first month I’m there.”

Amy laughed haughtily. “Those are some strong words.”

They were basically slowing down to a stop on the swings. “I’ll bet you that I had more fun tonight,” Jake added, a sweet look on his face.

Amy smiled at him. “I don’t know that you’d win that bet.” Suddenly, Jake planted his feet, stepping away from his swing and walking over in front of hers. She stopped herself from swinging into him. Jake held onto the chains of Amy’s swing. He looked down at her with an intense look in his eye. He bent down and she surged up and quickly, they were kissing.

Amy had spent plenty of time in her teenage years wondering what it would be like to kiss Jake. She wanted to but always assumed he’d never return the feelings. She never knew he’d spent the same years having the same thoughts. Kissing him was even better than she’d expected. It was gentle and sweet and perfect.


	10. If You Fake Date Me, I'll Love You Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written for the Short Fic Challenge on Tumblr. Fake Dating AU requested by an anon.

“Heyyy, Jake,” Amy greeted. He looked at her with a confused expression. “So do you have any big plans for the weekend?”

Jake’s confusion turned to skepticism. “No. Why?”

“Just curious,” Amy lied. “Hey, there’s a box in the evidence lockup that I can’t reach. Can you help me?” Jake agreed and followed her away from the bullpen. Once in the lockup, she rounded on Jake. “I don’t actually need something in here. I just needed to ask you something in private.”

Jake eyed her suspiciously. “What is it?”

Amy sighed. “This is really hard for me to ask.”

“Oh my God, are you dying?”

“No,” Amy assured him. Taking a deep breath, Amy proceeded. “I’m spending the weekend in the Hamptons with a group of people I went to high school with. Including this one girl who always had it out for me. Most of them are bringing their husbands or significant others. The snotty jerk asked if I even had a significant other to bring and I panicked and said yes.”

Jake looked puzzled. “But you aren’t dating anyone.”

“Yeah, I know. That’s where you come in,” Amy explained. Jake’s face broke out in a huge grin. “Can you please come with me this weekend and pretend to be my boyfriend so I can prove to this bitch that I’m fine? I want you to know how painful this is to ask.”

Jake was still grinning largely. He dropped down on one knee. Amy rolled her eyes. Jake reached for her hand. “Amy Santiago, it would be my supreme pleasure to be your fake boyfriend.” Amy begrudgingly thanked him. “Here’s the deal,” he said dramatically as he stood back up. “My name is Simon Fisher and I’m a computer programmer rom Boston, but I have a dark past.”

“Your name will be Jake Peralta and you will be my partner turned boyfriend,” Amy corrected.

Jake shrugged. “Yeah, I guess that works too.”

Amy and Jake managed to leave early Friday and drove to the Hamptons for Amy’s weekend with friends. Amy spent the time in the car dreading the weekend, but also prepping Jake. They nailed down the details of how they ended up together. Amy explained her dynamic with these people. They had a system down.

Amy did her best to ignore the part of her that said it would be a great weekend to tell Jake how she actually felt about him. Real feelings didn’t matter with these stakes.

They arrived, set their stuff in their hotel room, and went down to the meeting place. All the women caught up while the men introduced themselves to each other. It wasn’t ten minutes into the weekend before the first barb was thrown at Amy. She steeled herself and wrapped her arm around Jake’s waist. He followed suit and tucked her into his side as they all stood their talking.

More veiled insults were tossed at Amy at dinner. Jake did his best to counter them and talk about all the reasons he fell for Amy. “I mean have you ever heard someone with as great a laugh as Amy?” he asked. “I started to tell her jokes just so I could hear it more.” Amy stared at Jake, questioning how real his statement was. Did she have a great laugh?

“I always loved how much Amy wore clothes that made her look like an old librarian,” Julia said with a sneer. Amy just laughed weakly and agreed that her fashion sense wasn’t great.

Thankfully the conversation drifted from Amy As they started talking about someone’s accounting firm, Amy felt Jake lay his hand on her knee. She reached out and held onto his hand, squeezing it in thanks.  

The next day carried on much of the same way. Wine tastings and insults. Lunches and embarrassing stories about Amy. Jake could cover up embarrassing stories with badass stories. He’d talk about how awesome she was and Amy would be left wondering how much he meant it.

After dinner that night, Amy couldn’t take it anymore. She slipped out of the room they were drinking in and walked straight for the beach. She just needed to get away. Amy couldn’t have been sitting on the beach for more than fifteen minutes when she heard someone walking up behind her. Jake plopped down in the sand next to her.

“Wow, that lady is such a jerk,” he said. Amy just nodded. “I know she’s gotta be bothering you, but Ames, you’re so much better than she is.” Amy looked at him with an air of disbelief. “You are!” Jake promised. “For one, you never throw it back because you won’t stoop to her level.”

“Or maybe it’s just because I am a loser,” Amy wondered aloud.

Jake scoffed. “Not true. I can’t believe you’d say that. Do you think I’d fake date a loser?” Amy glared at Jake.

Jake scooted close to Amy and took her hand in his. “Amy you are a badass cop with a great sense of humor and a heart of gold. And not a word of that was fake. That came from Jake Peralta, your real partner.”

Amy smiled at him. Her mind was swirling with other thoughts she was trying to drown out. “Thanks, Jake,” she replied after a long pause. She laid her head on his shoulder and she felt him kiss the top of her head.

“You’re one of the best people I know, Ames,” Jake admitted. “It’s why it was so easy for me to accept to be your fake boyfriend this weekend.”

Amy chuckled. “I figured it was because I told you I’d pay for it.”

Jake laughed. “That obviously helped. But honestly, just getting to spend more time with you was enough of a draw for me. “

Amy took a deep breath. She couldn’t believe what he was saying. It seemed like so much more than friends. She picked up her head and looked at him.

Jake stared back at her. She saw him swallow harshly just before he squeezed the hand he still held. “Look Amy, I may just be your fake boyfriend, but…I may also still have real feelings for you.” He paused, waiting to see what she made of it.

Amy smiled radiantly, scooting closer to Jake. She released his hand and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him to show him that she felt the same way.

Suddenly the rest of the weekend seemed tolerable. Jake was still by her side, but no longer just her fake boyfriend. Maybe she should have done this a long time ago.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to send me prompts on my tumblr! I'm three-drink-amy! I'd love it!


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